Some associate the humble budgerigar with whiskery nannas, but these beauties can be worth up to $10,000 a pair. Adam McCulloch takes a stick beak at one of the world most popular pets. On the eve of the last U.S. election I contacted the Pentagon with a trivial research question. Within minutes I was talking to a head of staff. By way of contrast, while researching this story on budgerigars I found myself stymied at every turn by far less forthcoming folk. Phone numbers didn’t work, calls went unanswered, interviews were difficult to lock down, contact details for fellow fanciers were almost never given out. The breeders, judges and fanciers who comprise the budgerigar community are a very cagey lot. But here’s the thing: budgies are actually the most popular pet bird on earth. So why is it so hard to get anyone to talk about them?
My first encounter with a member of the budgie community was in a basement car park on William Street. After my van was checked for explosives (apparently a common precaution in car parks) I met with Sydney breeder George Caryofyllis, who manages a Thrifty return centre in Sydney. I was expecting a slightly nerdy, tweed-wearing stereotype, but Caryofyllis turned out to be a tough-looking bloke with the limping gait of a pirate and shoulders broad enough for a sizeable flock of parrots. Caryofyllis’ first pet when he was 10 years old. Exhibition budgies (the ones favoured by breeders) are the same but have become so inbred their features are exaggerated. “They’re almost double the size, have larger heads and live only 5-6 years compared to 10-13 years for the wild birds”, Caryofyllis explains. But at up to $10,000 a pair they’re far more valuable. The problem is they also have a nasty habit of dropping dead. George Caryofyllis, who decided to take breeding seriously and very quickly went from a few pairs to seventy birds. “I invited an expert from the budgerigar society over to look at my birds. Only one was worth keeping,” he laments, “I had to get rid of the rest”. He sold them to pet stores and spent all the profits on two pair of show quality birds. Currently he has 200 budgies luxuriating in splendour inside a giant insulated aviary - safe in the knowledge that they’re far too good for pet stores. Caryofyllis explains. He might still have a day job, but rumour has it a couple of breeders (who proved frustratingly elusive) own Mcmansions in Kellyville on the profits of bird sales. “I don’t want you to talk about the high prices of birds. It puts people off,” said one anonymous fancier who then made himself scarce for follow up interviews. Caryofyllis. With prices like that, it follows that budgie shows must have huge cash prizes then? “No money. Just ribbons and trophies,” he says. “Oh, sometimes there’s cookware,” he adds drolly. “Any chance I can talk to a budgie judge?” I ask. “Hmmm, I’ve got to check with these people…’cause it might fall back on me,” he says warily. Clearly I’d requested an audience with the avian equivalent of Michael Corleone. Caryofyllis, “But English spinach is good, so is endive - which looks similar to lettuce.” Hmmm, best not get your greens mixed up.
We went for a drive and before long start talking turkey…I mean budgie.
There are two types of budgie in this world: pet budgies and exhibition budgies. The pet variety (like all budgies) are descended from wild native Australian budgerigars and are available in all manner of spectacular colours - like Bluey,
Enter Dr Rob Marshall, from Carlingford Animal Hospital. He’s the country’s most respected avian vet. Conventional wisdom used to see breeders mating budgies up to four times a year, but in the height of passion many had heart attacks. (Love-nest one minute, shoebox the next: love sure is cruel). A $10,000 dead budgie ain’t worth a cracker so Dr Marshall, pet detective, decided to embark on an odyssey. He headed to a remote Northern Territory cattle station, Delmore Downs, to observe the birds in the wild. Budgerigars have an amazing ability to predict weather. “When the indigenous people saw budgerigars they knew there’s going to be rain and therefore food,” he says. In the harsh desert budgies had to eat, mate and nest whenever the opportunity presented itself. In the cushy environs of suburban Australia their biannual breeding had become a year-round bacchanalian orgy. What they needed was a break from the bedroom.
The findings were invaluable for people like
So what makes a prize-winning bird anyway? “They need a big head, good mask and chest spots. Their wings can’t stick out beyond their tail feather and they need to sit on the perch right,”
Exhibition budgies are hot items, and good budgie studs sell out well before the official sale date. For fanciers lower in the pecking order there are always the auctions, but they too are fiercely contested. “I was at an auction the other week and these two birds sold for $6000,” says
Incidentally, the $6000 budgies didn’t last long. Perhaps surprised by their own worth, one died on the way home. Heat? Stress? A Mafia hit? It might have been something he ate. Budgie devotees know that there are several foods that will very quickly turn their birds into shuttlecocks. “Chocolate, lettuce and avocado will go straight through them and kill them,” says
All animals get ill, and birds are no exception. “There was that big bird flu case up in Newcastle a while back which killed all those chickens,” he says. “We were worried because if it gets into budgies it just wipes them out completely.” His casual summation of bird flu neatly overlooks the potential human pandemic and the possibility that I’m seated next to Australia’s patient zero, but he goes on to explain that the type of flu that sometimes strikes budgies is called Psittacosis, an infinitely less dangerous disease. Still, once you’ve had it you can never own an aviary again – a fate worse than death for many fanciers.
Maybe that’s what budgies talk to their owners about…and budgies do talk, says Dr Marshall. “They’re one of the few species of cognitive animals,” he says. “They actually learn words rather than just mimic. A budgie will say ‘good morning’ in the morning and ‘good night’ at night. They understand the difference. Dr Marshall sees a lot of brainy birds at his practice, even one who tells his owner “We need to see Dr Robert” when he’s feeling off-colour. The bird was born with throat irritation and would periodically stretch his neck to ease the discomfort. “When his owner saw him she said, ‘We need to see Dr Robert,’” explains Marshall. “The bird learnt the context and started using it.”
Smart animals like budgies need more entertainment than just a mirror and mangy cuttlefish. Psychological problems amount to 60 percent of Dr. Marshall’s patients. Some birds scream, some pluck their own feathers and others show very human symptoms of depression. “They turn away into a corner and sulk,” he says. Contrary to popular perception, it’s not the breeders’ aviaries that drive the budgies insane. “Aviaries are a great spot for them,” he says, “In the wild they roost from 10am till 3pm, chatting and chewing. They’re perfectly happy.” Small cages in lonely houses are another story altogether. “They need to be let out to fly morning and evening – meal times are best. It’s a very social time for them,” he says, adding that the worst thing you can possibly do is cut a budgie’s wings. “If you cut the wings before they learn to fly they will be totally retarded intellectually.” Then the good doctor reveals some heart breaking news: budgerigars frequently fall in love with their owners and can’t handle being apart. “The bird becomes incredibly depressed, just like if we were to find that our husband or wife had disappeared.”
We do love budgies, honestly we do. In fact Native Australian birds are among the most loved birds in the world - if the black market is anything to go by. How much would you pay for a sulphur-crested cockatoo (the kind that sharpens his beak on your teak furniture)? Five, ten, maybe fifty dollars if he promised to not make that annoying screeching sound? Try $20,000 in unmarked bills. Lorikeets, finches, even lizards are all fair game for smugglers and the industry is huge. Last year, according to customs officials in Canberra, 403 people were caught trying to smuggle critters over our borders (although the number is down from more than a thousand a few years ago). They leave our shores in carry-on bags, custom made egg-vests, bras and underwear. It’s the source of some splendid innuendo about budgie smugglers and trouser snakes but the mortality rate for animals is high and jail sentences for the smugglers can be comparable to that of murder. With true bird fancier coyness, customs official Amanda Palmer politely declined to be drawn on how exactly to spot a smuggler. “We don’t want to give away all our secrets,” she said. Luckily for budgies, thieves are only interested in native Australian wildlife: in spite of five million years of Australian evolution, budgies aren’t considered Aussie enough.
So what did I learn from my foray into the timid avian underworld? Just like their birds, budgie owners can be shy at first but pay them some attention and they might say a few words (although it takes a lot more effort to get them eating out of your hand.) If by chance, you do find someone who parrots on incessantly, I also learnt the best way to cut the conversation short: with a nudge, nudge, wink, wink simply ask what they know about other illegally acquired native birds - you’d have better luck getting through to The Pentagon.
Words by Adam McCulloch. Originally published in Sunday Magazine. The format has been altered to suit Tumblr.
